Anger is a natural part of all our lives. Biologically and very simply anger is just there to tell us that we need to take action to put something right. It can have a positive effect by giving us strength and energy and by motivating us to take action. But for some people, anger can get out of control and cause problems in relationships, at work or even with the law. In addition, long-term, unresolved anger is linked to health conditions such as high blood pressure, depression, anxiety and heart disease.
Anger affects all of our lives and can have a powerful and detrimental effect on our wellbeing. So it is vital that we explore ways to deal with anger in a healthy way that doesn’t harm you or anyone else.
How common are anger problems?
In a survey by the Mental Health Foundation, 32% of people said they had a close friend or family member who had trouble controlling their anger and 28% of people said they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
Even though anger problems can have such a harmful effect on our family, work and social lives, most people who have them don’t ask for help. In the same survey by the Mental Health Foundation, 58% of people said they didn’t know where to seek help.
Sometimes people don’t recognise that their anger is a problem for themselves and for other people. They may project their issues, seeing other people or things as the problem instead.
Causes of anger
There are many different causes of anger and it’s different for everyone.
Some common things that make people feel angry include:
- being treated unfairly and feeling powerless to do anything about it
- feeling threatened or attacked
- other people not respecting their authority, feelings or property
- being interrupted when trying to achieve a goal
How you react to anger can depend on lots of things, including:
- the situation they are in at the moment – if you’re dealing with lots of problems or stress, you may find it harder to control your anger
- family history – they may have learnt unhelpful ways of dealing with anger from the adults around them when they were a child
- past events – people who experience traumatic, frightening or stressful events sometimes develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) which can lead to angry outbursts
- substances such as drugs and alcohol – which make some people act more aggressively than usual
Some of the things that make you angry may not bother other people at all.
You might find it hard to explain why you feel this way but talking to someone could help you find a solution.
Symptoms of anger
Anger can cause many different symptoms. It might affect how you feel physically or mentally, or how you behave.
Some people become aggressive towards others when they’re angry. Other people hide their anger and may take it out on themselves.
It’s not always easy to recognise when anger is the reason why you’re behaving differently.
Physical symptoms
- faster heartbeat
- tense muscles
- clenching your fists
- tightness in your chest
- feeling hot
Mental symptoms
- feeling tense or nervous
- being unable to relax
- being easily irritated
- feeling humiliated
- resenting other people
Changes in behaviour
- shouting
- ignoring people or sulking
- starting fights
- breaking things
- self-harming
Things you can try to help with anger
Do
- try to recognise when you start to feel angry so you can take steps to calm down as early as possible
- give yourself time to think before reacting – try counting to 10 and doing calming breathing exercises
- talk to people about what’s making you angry – speak to someone who is not connected to the situation, such as a friend, a GP or a support group (such as Samaritans)
- exercise – activities such as running, walking, swimming and yoga can help you relax and reduce stress
- find out how to raise your self-esteem, including how to be more assertive
- consider peer support, where people use their experiences to help others. Find out more about peer support on the Mind website
- listen to free mental wellbeing audio guides
- try self-help cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques on the Every Mind Matters website to manage unhelpful thoughts, reframe situations, solve problems and deal with stress
Don’t
- try to do everything at once; set small targets you can easily achieve
- focus on things you cannot change. Focus your time and energy on helping yourself feel better
- tell yourself that you’re alone – most people feel angry sometimes and support is available
- use alcohol, cigarettes, gambling or drugs to relieve anger – these can all contribute to poor mental health
Anger Support resources
Further information and support
Non-urgent advice – See a GP if:
- you feel you need help dealing with your anger
They may be able to refer you to a local anger-management programme or counselling.
Anger management programmes
A typical anger management programme may involve 1-to-1 counselling and working in a small group.
A programme may be a 1-day or weekend course, or over a couple of months.
The structure of the programme depends on who provides it, but most programmes include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), as well as counselling.
Some private courses and therapists can help with anger issues. Make sure any therapist you see is registered with a professional organisation, such as the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy.
Where to get NHS help for stress, anxiety or depression
Referring yourself for therapy
If you need more support, you can get free talking therapies, such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), on the NHS.
You can refer yourself directly to a talking therapies service without a referral from a GP.
Find an NHS talking therapies service
Violent tendencies
If uncontrolled anger leads to domestic violence and abuse (violence or threatening behaviour within a relationship), there are places that offer help and support.
You can contact organisations such as:
Find out more about getting help for domestic violence and abuse.
Written by Emma Browning, our Pastoral and Wellbeing Lead at Shaftesbury Millie College. Emma has supported people to improve their wellbeing for over 20 years. Emma says: ‘Wellbeing is something woven through Shaftesbury’s work and I’ll be sharing some wellbeing themes and approaches in these blogs. My hope is that you enjoy reading them and they build a strong foundation for your wellbeing.’