Michael and Karen Coles have been happily married for over 20 years. Now in their sixties, the couple reminisce about what drew them to each other. They met at a local day centre where ‘my first impression was that she was the one for me,’ says Michael . ‘Karen is happy and she has a good smile!’ Karen felt the same about Michael: ‘As soon as I heard his voice, I knew he was the one.’ They married in a Bournemouth hotel in June 2004, where they spent their wedding night.
Personalised support
The couple both live with significant disabilities including epilepsy, diabetes, mobility challenges and cognitive issues. What does it take for Michael and Karen to live their life together, happily and safely? ‘Regardless of disability, with the right support and in the right setting, you can have a sustained, healthy marriage,’ says Ceci Pessoa, team leader at Shaftesbury Marion House, home to the Coles.
‘Karen and Michael are definitely a case of opposites attract,’ says Ceci. ‘Karen is bubbly and has a hilarious sense of humour but also likes to do her own thing. Michael will try anything – he likes to be involved in whatever’s going on. We focus on their separate needs but also promote their “togetherness”. Michael is physically a bit stronger than Karen and when they’re transitioning to their rooms, for instance, he will always put Karen’s belongings into his walking frame basket, so hers is lighter.’
Karen appreciates the way her husband looks out for her: ‘Michael is a caring man and he is always there when I need him.’ Michael goes to a day centre three times a week, which Karen doesn’t attend, and they both enjoy that time apart too. ‘They are a great example of a marriage that works,’ says Ceci. ‘It’s so touching to see how they protect each other. They are well-loved by everyone here.’
Outstanding care
Moving to Shaftesbury Marion House just over a year ago has made life significantly better for the pair. ‘Their health has improved considerably,’ says Ceci. Karen’s long-term neurologist Dr Hillier recently commented, after an appointment, that ‘Karen seems extremely well-cared for, and probably in the best physical state I have seen her in years’. A financial advisor has been appointed to support the couple, when they were unable to use bank cards safely, and they receive help with budgeting. Karen’s mobility is very impaired ‘so I fought for her to get a mobility scooter to promote her independence’, Ceci says. ‘This arrived as a Christmas present and she’s loving it!’
Supported living
The Coles have responded very positively to living in a setting smaller than their previous placement. ‘As a supported living service, it’s all about people making their own choices, and us supporting them to get involved, rather than be passive,’ Ceci explains. ‘The people who live here say it feels like a family, like a home.’ As well as trips out for coffee or a meal, supported by staff, Karen and Michael enjoy getting involved with games and movie nights with their housemates. ‘I’d say the social interaction here has been one of the best things for these two,’ Ceci says.
‘Shaftesbury’s supported living services enable people to live the life they want, as independently as possible,’ says deputy director of operations Stuart Dryden. ‘To this end, staffing is tailored around the specific needs of the people we support, meaning that they get one-to-one time to enable them to achieve the things in life that are important to them. We work really hard to ensure that staffing allocation is matched to their needs and wishes.’
Valentine’s day activities
Arts and crafts are very popular at Shaftesbury Marion House and with a house Valentine’s party happening on 14 February, everyone has been busy producing decorations. ‘Yes, we love a party and everyone’s bringing food to share,’ says Ceci. ‘I’m actually off that day but I’m coming in because I don’t want to miss the fun.’
Michael and Karen plan to join the party when they’ve had their own romantic moment together. ‘I got Karen a Valentine’s card,’ says Michael, while Karen is planning to use her new scooter to take Michael out ‘for a meal and a couple of beers just down the road’.
‘Everyone is included at our party – we’re definitely spreading the love,’ says Ceci. ‘Whether you’re celebrating the traditional Valentine’s way, or Galentine’s or Palentine’s, Michael, Karen and all of us at Marion House wish you love and happiness.’